Abuse can be verbal, physical, or sexual. Verbal abuse – such as frequent belittling criticism – can have lasting effects, particularly when it comes from those entrusted with the child’s care.
In the previous issues, Rev Francis Osire started conversations on the common causes of dysfunctional families, he continues with the conversation on the same. A dysfunctional family is one that has problematic interactions that the family is attempting to ignore or mask. Each family member ends up playing an active role in continuing the dysfunction. In the previous issue we discussed common causes of dysfunctional families and below is a continuation of these causes In addition, emotional expression is frequently forbidden and discussions about the alcohol or drug use or related family problems are usually nonexistent. Family members are usually expected to keep problems a secret, thus preventing anyone from seeking help. All of these factors leave children feeling insecure, frustrated, and angry. Children often feel there must be something wrong with them which makes their parents behave this way. Mistrust of others, difficulty with emotional expression, and difficulties with intimate relationships carry over into adulthood.
Rev Francis Osire
Children of alcoholics are at much higher risk for developing alcoholism than are children of non-alcoholics. Abusive Parents; Abuse can be verbal, physical, or sexual. Verbal abuse – such as frequent belittling criticism – can have lasting effects, particularly when it comes from those entrusted with the child’s care. Criticism can be aimed at the child’s looks, intelligence, capabilities, or basic values. Some verbal abusers are very direct, while others use subtle put-downs disguised as humor. Both types are just as damaging. Children of abusive parents have tremendous difficulties developing feelings of trust and safety even in their adult lives. While parents may justify or rationalize verbal or physical abuse as discipline aimed at somehow helping the child, there is no rationalization for sexual abuse.
Sexual abuse is the most blatant example of an adult abusing a child purely for that adult’s own gratification. Sexual abuse can be any physical contact between an adult and child where that contact must be kept secret. Demonstrations of affection — such as hugging, kissing, or stroking a child’s hair — that can be done openly are quite acceptable and even beneficial. When physical contact is shrouded in secrecy then it is most likely inappropriate. Sexual abuse happens to both boys and girls. It is perpetrated by both men and women. It cuts across lines of race, socioeconomic level, education level, and religious affiliation. In most cases, sexual abuse is part of an overall family pattern of dysfunction, disorganization, and inappropriate role boundaries. Responsibility for sexual abuse in all cases rests entirely with the adult. No child is responsible for being abused. Most sexually abused children are too frightened of the consequences for themselves and their families to risk telling another adult what is happening. As a result they grow into adulthood carrying feelings of self-loathing, shame, and worthlessness. They tend to be self-punishing and have considerable difficulties with relationships and with sexuality.
It is important that as parents and care givers we should make children grow in an environment which is free of causes of dysfunction so as to enhance healthy development or growth.
Regardless of the kind of dysfunction or abuse, effects vary widely across individuals. Support from other healthy adults, success in other areas, or positive changes in the family can help prevent or minimize negative effects. The following questions may help you identify how you may have been or continue to be affected. Domestic Violence Children who live in homes where there is domestic violence grow up in an environment that is unpredictable, filled with tension and anxiety and dominated by fear
A home with domestic violence is a home where the dysfunction can lead to significant emotional and psychological trauma, similar to that experienced by children who are victims of child abuse. It is important that as parents and care givers we should make children grow in an environment which is free of causes of dysfunction so as to enhance healthy development or growth.